The 3 Truths that Transformed My Relationship with my Ex(es)

Women constantly ask me how I do it. 

They want to know why I choose to hang out with my exes and their partners even when the kids aren’t around. And how I handle the complexity of different households and diverging dreams and so many cooks in the kitchen. (I live for these questions, btw!) Before I answer, I share that Paul is just one of my exes. The romantic relationships with both of my kids’ dads ended years ago and I've been double duty co-parenting ever since. Along the way, I made many missteps, crumbled into a pile of shame, and built myself back into wholeness more times than I can count. Basically, I’ve figured out that real, lasting peace in co-parenting starts with me and grows from the inside out.

Exes United by a Shared Love of their Kiddo 

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When I was finally able to say these 3 smack-you-in-the-face truths to myself, my relationship with my exes transformed. Like magic.* 

*If magic is built on determination, hard work, and bountiful trust in the unfolding of your life.

1. You’re addicted to being wronged. 
You're approaching every interaction with your ex with the expectation that you will have to defend, prove, or fight for something. What if, before your next interaction, you asked yourself: What if everything goes right? This small shift changes the energy you bring, making space for cooperation and surprising outcomes. 

2. You’re responsible for cleaning up your side of the street. 
Unresolved pain will interfere with your kids’ relationship with their dad and your ability to co-parent peacefully. It’s essential to address lingering anger, grief, or resentment. If you don’t, it will leak into all of your interactions.
Get help. Do the inner work. Take care of you. 

3. It’s time to own your non-negotiables.
Get clear on your non-negotiables: the values and boundaries that guide your parenting and how your relate to your ex. These may shift over time, but it’s important to know what’s non-optional for you right now. Maybe it’s living within a certain distance from your child’s school or the level of respect you require during hard conversations with your ex. Take the time to get to know what’s okay and not okay with you. Everybody will benefit from your clarity. 

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If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I’m offering a handful of free connection calls to explore how you can find freedom in separation, divorce, and co-parenting. 

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