Divorcing Mom, It’s Time to Get Really Good at Being Disliked

When my first marriage ended, I thought being liked was the most important thing.

I twisted myself into knots trying to make my ex like me. I wanted my friends and family to see me as the “good” one. I even tried to convince my kids that everything was fine—even though it wasn’t.

It didn’t work.

Here’s what I’ve learned after 15 years of co-parenting: you don’t need everyone to like you. Not your ex, not your friends, not your family. Your job is to trust yourself enough to hold steady while others don’t.

And honestly? That realization saved me.

Being Liked Won’t Solve Anything

In the early days of co-parenting, I bent over backward to keep the peace with my exes. I’d agree to compromises I didn’t want to make, stayed quiet when I needed to speak up, and said yes when I meant no. I thought avoiding conflict was the key to a smooth relationship.

It wasn’t. Every time I let them push past my boundaries, I felt smaller. The tension didn’t ease. If anything, it got worse.

Things only started to change when I got clear on what I needed, set boundaries, and actually enforced them. At first they were not into this new version of me. But over time, that dislike turned into respect. And eventually, that respect turned into something even better—a foundation we could actually co-parent from peacefully, and eventually, with joy. 

When Everyone Has an Opinion About Your Divorce

Divorce can turn your life into a public forum. Friends, family, even strangers suddenly have opinions about what you should do, how you should act, and who you should be.

For a long time, I tried to justify my choices. I’d overexplain, trying to convince people I was doing the right thing. I wasted so much energy defending myself, hoping for approval, when I could have been using that energy to heal or be with my kids.

It took me a while to realize that other people’s opinions don’t matter. The only approval I needed was my own. When I stopped explaining myself, I felt freer than I ever had. Not everyone understood my decisions, but I didn’t need them to.

Learning to Trust Myself Again

The hardest part of all of this? Learning to trust myself after so many years of looking to others for validation.

At first, I didn’t think I could trust my own judgment. I second-guessed everything—every parenting decision, every boundary, every step I took. I was terrified of getting it wrong.

It took time, but slowly I started to rebuild that trust. I reminded myself daily: my heart is good, and I’m doing my best. I repeated it like a mantra while folding laundry, walking the dog, or cooking dinner. Eventually, I started to believe it. And as my confidence grew, I stopped twisting myself into someone I thought others wanted me to be.

I showed up as myself—flawed, human, but deeply good.

And that changed everything.

Ready to Let Go of People-Pleasing? Start Here.

If you’re ready to stop caring so much about what your ex, your friends, or your family think, here are a few steps to get started:

1. Practice Saying No Without Explaining
   The next time you’re asked to do something that doesn’t feel right, simply say, “No, that doesn’t work for me.” Then stop. Don’t explain, justify, or soften it. Just let it stand.
2. Take Note of Your Triggers
   When you feel the urge to overexplain or people-please, pause. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of here?” Just noticing your reaction is the first step toward changing it.
3. Reconnect to Your Inner Compass
   Write down three truths about yourself that no one else’s opinion can change. For me, it was: “My heart is good, I love my kids deeply, and I’m doing the best I can.” Keep these close when doubt creeps in.
4. Build Your Boundaries One Step at a Time
   Start small. Practice holding a boundary with someone safe, like a friend or family member. Then build from there. Each step will make the next one easier.

Take Back Your Energy

Divorce is hard, but constantly worrying about what others think makes it harder. If you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels and reclaim your energy, join me for my free webinar. It’s time to stop trying to be liked and start trusting yourself.